CHRIS, DOC, AND, ALAN JOHNSON DISCUSS EMAILS 9/30/14

Evidently, there’s more to emails than you might think.  You’ll find lots of advantages but, you’ll also encounter many pitfalls.  In this episode, Doc learns as much as he can about the wonderful world of emailing.  At least there’s no postage involved.  I think Alan had himself a great time.   You’ll see.   Drop me an email and tell me  your opinion.

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POP POP GETS IN A JAM MORE THAN ONCE 9/29/14

We’ve all been in deep doo doo at one time or another and Pop Pop is no exception.  Be there as he climbs up the side of a tall chimney.  Thrill as his “friends” take a break for lunch halfway through lowering him down the side of a building.  Spend some time under a leaking hydrogen tanker.  Oh, it was such fun gathering these stories.   Enjoy while you can.

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THE EIGHT LEGGED HOUSEKEEPER GIVES UP

So, you think you’ve got housekeeping problems?  Wait till you hear this.  Not that I should talk but, yesterday I saw someone whose has a messier home than me.  Just outside our kitchen window a small spider erected a very nice web and has had some luck catching an errant fly or two.  She has had a humble existence and by small spider standards wasn’t doing too bad.   At least that’s how it was till just the other day when fall came and, the winds started to blow.  Somewhere nearby there must be a patch of ragweed or something like it.  This time of year such plants release their seeds in a way similar to dandelions.  They use a kind of kite and parachute  type of flying seed.  So, from somewhere nearby, all these seeds released at once and, off they flew, right into that poor spiders web near our window.  Webs are sticky and, these seeds like to cling to whatever they land on.  Long story short that spiders web has gotten real fuzzy.  Now, the web looks like it’s made out of pipe cleaners.  It’s actually kind of pretty to look at.  At night, it’s dark outside and the light from the kitchen shines on it making the web sort of glow in the dark and look like some kind of Halloween window decoration.  Of course the spider isn’t very happy, I saw her trying to pick the seeds off a short strand of web.  It was more than her little brain could handle.  Looks like she’s moved on.

OH NO!!!! IT’S THE DEATH STAR RIGHT IN MY BACK YARD!!!

Whoa, momma!   I was just walking Millie out in the side yard. While she was poking around trying  to find  the exact right spot, I was noticing  that last nights rain knocked down quite a few leaves off the trees surrounding our house.   Most of the summer, pretty much all we see here is a thick wall of green.  The river behind the bungalow is only thirty feet away but, in the summer months, about all you can do is listen to it.  You certainly cant see very much of it.  So, I spent a bit of time just slowly turning around like a human periscope seeing if much of the far away sights have changed over the past few months.

     I saw that the neighbor to the east must have installed a LP Gas tank behind their house,  I thought I heard construction about a month ago.   Guess they’ve changed from oil.  The folks across the road moved the Trans Am from one  side yard to the other.  It’s still on blocks.   I saw where bears got a hold of the neighbors to the west garbage can and had a pretty good meal.
     A sure sign of summers end is that I can see the cell tower across the highway and next to the used car dealership. out on the main road.  It’s a big tower and your radio hums when you drive by it.  I’m usually driving by it when whatever show I’m listening to gets real interesting.  Naturally, at that time, I’ll be behind someone who’s driving even slower than I do.  Maybe I’ll be behind a broken down steam roller and I’ll miss out on a really good punch line and get the signal back when they’re doing a commercial.
     So, I’m looking at the cell tower and notice this huge bird on a very tall tree standing along side the structure.  The tree is about sixty feet high and has lost all of its upper leaves.  I guest that maybe it’s windy up at higher elevations.   Then, it hits me, what I thought was a big bird wasn’t a bird at all.  It was instead the biggest hornets nest I think I’ve ever seen in my long life.  Actually, it was too big to be a turkey buzzard.  In fact it was really too big to be a hornets nest you get right down to it.  But that’s what it was.  It’s about the size of three pillows tied tightly together and it’s got to be chock full of hornets loaded for bear.  Even though it was at least a hundred yards away, it gave me the willies (Whatever they are.).
     It kind of made me remember the first Star Wars movie and the scene where the Millenium Falcon first sights and approaches the Death Star.   Didn’t Hans Solo say something to the effect of  “I got a bad feeling about this”?.  Well, I was feeling the same way.  Just like the Death Star would send out patrols and raiding parties, that nest would send it’s minions out to lay scourge to the country side. Our bungalow was well within its range.  Remember that Death Ray planet destroyer on the Death Star?  Well, if you went and tried to stick a broom stick into that nest, you’d get first hand experience on what death rays were all about.  A cloud of hornets would chase you to the far corners of the universe.  Heck there’s probably deep inside that nest an emperor hornet plotting on some grand evil scheme with his henchman a big and rotten to the core Darth Vader hornet.
     I don’t know but, I’d stay away from that thing.   It’s something mere mortals should avoid.  Attack is out of the question.  There’s no leaves on the nearby limbs.  No birds nests are near by.  No squirrels play on the branches and it’s a lousy place for a picnic table.  Sunbathe at your own peril.   Perhaps in time, the force will send one of it’s greatest weapons, a cold winter gale to rid us of this evil.  Till then, may the Force be with us.   Close your car windows when you drive by.

POP POP REMEMBERS THE NICE THINGS PEOPLE DO 09/22/14

Yes, there’s a lot of bad things happening in the world.  There’s stinkers everywhere.  But, there’s also many, many, wonderful folks out there doing such great things for so many less fortunate people.  In this episode, Pop Pop remembers and tells all about the god folks he’s run across.  Hopefully, this episode will set you to remembering the good people you’ve seen in action too.  Forward ho!!!!

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POPCORN WAS JUST A DIME AND, NOT $20

Back when movies we’re just invented, Pop Pop used to go a lot with his hoodlum friends.  Return with him now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.  You’ll only need a quarter to get in, a dime for popcorn, and, a nickel for a soda.  Just don’t throw licorice at the screen.  The lady who owns the theater goes nut when you do that and she might throw us out.

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POP POP DOES HIS CHORES 09/09/14

We all had chores back in the day.  Not too many people had butlers and maids sitting around the house.  Well, actually, they did.  They were called kids.  In this episode Pop Pop recalls his daily grind back in the day.  Watch out for the demon in the coal bin and the weir wolf behind the garbage can.  Get busy and check this one out.

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MISSED IT. MISSED IT BAD.

One of life’s simple pleasures passed me by the other evening.  I’m really bummed and don’t know what to do.  I noticed my misfortune as I pulled into the driveway last Saturday night when I got back from the Chatterbox.  I realized then and there that a great moment passed me by.  This was a moment and event that I had been anticipating for weeks and, it’s gone.   Yes, gone forever and, there’s nothing I can do.  For weeks I’ve been waiting to see my odometer hit 88888 and I missed it.  It went right by me somewhere between Newton and Hackettstown.  It probably happened when I was keeping an eye peeled for a convenience store that sold those pre made ice cream cones I love so much.  There was one stretch of road full of deer running from out of nowhere.  I had to be a bit more vigilant.  Then, again, at my age I might have just forgot.  I know that I had made a mental note on my way up to the Chatterbox that morning, to be especially aware..  I figured the number would hit on the return trip back home.  Darn, where’s a post-it when you need one.  That only thing I can do, is back up fourteen miles.  Don’t laugh.  I’m thinking about it.   Gosh, it’s 11,097 miles to 99999.  Hope I don’t miss it.  Darn!!!!

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

The other night I was broadcasting from the Chatterbox  patio.  The final Wanderers Cruise Night of the season was ramping down.  A few people were at the outside tables but, most everyone was in the main dining room knocking down cheeseburgers and fries.  I was playing a few of the quieter oldies at the time like the  Duprees, or Flamingoes.  It was a perfect time to be playing In the Still of the Night.  The Chatterbox sits in a long flat valley that stretches from the northwest to the southeast.  Low Jersey mountains rise on both sides of flat farm fields.  It presents a pretty view anytime but, I like it especially at night.  It reminds me of south east Ohio where I went to college.  Railroads ran down the Ohio valleys and my friends and I used to walk the lines at night under the moon.  Railroads once ran through the Chatterbox’s valley but they’re gone now.

     Sometimes, depending on the winds, Newark airport’s traffic control, sends it’s flights over the Chatterbox.  I’ll bet the pilots can use it as a beacon at night.  The place kind of sticks out.  I like watching the planes slowly fly overhead.  They come in regular intervals.  There’s usually four in view at any given time.  One will be right over head, two will be over the middle of the sight line probably over Lake Hopatcong, and, one will be just appearing on the far horizon.   That one just got done with it’s initial climb and probably isn’t too far from Newark.  The pilot will be looking west and gunning it.
     I felt like playing that song by Peter, Paul, and Mary, Leaving on a Jet Plane.  Fortunately, it was right at hand and, I fired it up.  You know the song.  It’s all about leaving your sweetie to go on a long journey when, you’d sooner just stay home and mess around.   The trip itself seems to be more of a chore than anything else.  But, maybe this time, when you return, maybe things will be better.   Also, back in the day, I’m told the song had special meaning for soldiers heading off to do battle in Vietnam.  They pretty much all went there by plane, hoping they wouldn’t come home as cargo.
     As Peter Paul and Mary sang their song, I just watched the planes and wondered how many people sitting up in those little specks of light were leaving one way or another and, what was the story they could tell? Were they glad about it or sad about it.  We’re they coming home or going for good?   I guess I’ve been there cone that one time or another and watching the planes leave kind of got me down.
     DJ’s can’t stay blue for long.  Peter Paul and Mary we’re kind of getting to me so, I hurried up and found a copy of Tie a Yellow Ribbon.  Thanks to Tony Orlando and Dawn, life was good again.  I sat back and enjoyed what was left of my soft pretzel.  I’d be heading home soon myself.

THE LITTLE BIRTHDAY GIRL AND THE BIRTHDAY GEEZER

A little girl and her mom rolled by me in the dairy aisle.  They seemed to be buying party stuff.  They were getting whipped cream and that kind of thing.   I figured with the way they were talking that a birthday was coming up.  “So, who’s having a birthday?” I asked.   The little girl raised her hand.  “Me!!!  I’m gong to be six in two days now!!!”   I answered back.  “Six huh?  I’ll bet you’re going to be eight.   You’re a lot older than six.”   “Nuh huh!!!!  I’m going to be six”  she giggled.

     “Ok.  If you say so.  Wow!!!  It sure was a long time ago when I was just six.”    “How long?” She asked.  I thought a minute.  “Don’t rush me. I’m trying to count back that far.   Boy, it’s a long time ago.  I think my grandma  had to bake my birthday cake on a hot rock in the sun.  I know we didn’t have icing.”   ” No icing! Why?” she wondered.   “Well it hadn’t been invented yet. Grandma just slapped some cinnamon butter on the cake.  It’s all we had.”  Her eyes were wide now.  “So what did you get for your birthday?”
     “I have to think.  It was so long ago    Oh my gosh.  I remember now.  Yes!    I got two things, one good and, one bad.”
The little girl was all ears.  “What was the good thing?”   Well, about four days before my birthday, my Mom had a baby.  That was my gift.  She gave me my kid brother Ed.   She had Ed in the hospital so, I had to wait till my birthday to meet him.  I was staying with my Grandma and Granddad on the other side of the valley”    She liked the idea of a baby brother for a birthday gift and looked at her mom.   Mom, I think had other gifts in mind.   ” So what was the bad thing you got.” she asked me.
    I answered.  ” Grandma was helping get dressed that morning.  She was a nurse when she was younger.   She was helping me get my shirt on when all of a sudden lifted my shirt up and spoke.”   She was looking at my back when she said, “What’s all these bumps on your back?  Hey!  You’ve got measles!!!!!”   I tried to look at my back.  “I got measles?  What’s measles!!!”   Grandma told me that it wasn’t anything serious but, that I’d have to get into bed cause I could give measles to anyone that came near me.   “Can I give them to my new brother?”  I asked.   “Yep, you sure can.  Your going to have to stay here till they go away.  That’ll take about a week.”   The little girl looked like she was kind of sorry for me.  “That’s pretty bad!!!  Were you crying?”  I said, “Heck no!!!  My grandparents were great.  They spoiled me rotten.  I went straight to bed and figured I’d make out like a king.   Besides I didn’t feel that sick at all.  Then all of a sudden I started to itch and I started to feel kind of hot.  Pretty soon I was getting kind of sleepy.   Anyway, it wasn’t too bad.  I ate pretty good and scratched a lot and, I couldn’t go out to play.  I just had to lay low for a week.  Mostly, I was bored.”
     The little girl in the dairy aisle was smiling again..  I think her mom said how she wouldn’t be getting measles any time soon.  They went turned into the frozen food aisle and looked at ice cream cone sprinkles.