GOT YOUR SAVINGS RIGHT HERE

Would have gotten to this blurb sooner but, I was busy saving mayonnaise.  We’re down to the end of a one quart jar here at the house.  I wanted to snag the last little bit of mayo from the jar for my tomato sandwich.  I like my tomato sandwiches on warm toasted white bread.  So, once the toast was done, I got out my butter knife and started scrapping the inside walls of the old mayonnaise jar.  Long story short, it took about four minutes to get enough spread to cover both slices of bread.  The toast got cold and a little crunchy.  I started calculating my actions.  I’m 68 years old and have probably scraped about one almost finished mayonnaise jar every six months.  That’s a close average I’d say.  Mom used to have me scrape the jars when I was a kid so I got started early.  Let’s say I’ve scraped 130 mayo jars in my life time.  That’s enough for about 260 tomato sandwiches.  There’s about 60 servings in a one quart jar, and it’s probably about 2 or 3 sandwiches per serving.  It took four minutes per jar times 130 jars.  That’s (Where’s my calculator?)  520 minutes to salvage 2 jars worth of mayo.  I can’t find my calculator, but, somehow this isn’t adding up.  It looks like I’ve spent around 9 hours of my life scraping mayonnaise jars and I’ve saved about five bucks.   Holy heck.   What was I thinking?

THE MANAGERS CARD

Just heard this story and have to share t with you.  I won’t name names but, you have to hear this.  I got it from a friend and I can’t release the identity.   He and I both know this person.  Bless his heart.  This guy I’m telling you about is a super market manager.  I’ve worked in his store.  He’s a great guy and pretty much very little gets his goat.  Where other managers would be laying on the floor clutching their chest gasping for the paramedics to hurry up, this guy lets whatever it might be NOT get to him.  No ulcers in this cat.  No sireee.  He even, if the situation is the right thing to do, invites the heat from the front office.   To do this, he carries a card.  It’s with him always.  He found it taped one day near the time clock at his store.  I guess some unknown wise guy made it to express his displeasure about being at work.    It was all expressed on the back of an old 3 by 5 inch sale sign.  On one side, it said butter $2.69 per pound.  On the other more important side was a cartoon rendering of the earth with a big crack running through the middle.  Under the cleaved mother planet were scribbled the words….”IT’S NOT A PERFECT WORLD’   The cartoonist came back later to see that his art work was gone from the pegboard and probably figured it would be best to lay low for a while.  Little did the perpetrator know that this manager saw the sign, realized it’s truth smiled, and took it off the wall and carefully folded it to fit in his wallet.  Now, whenever someone comes up to my manager friend with a complaint or a heated demand, he just smiles and gets that card out, unfolds it and holds it in front of the beet red face of his aggressor.  Once they see the card and he has them calmed down a bit, he just says.  “You see  It’s not a perfect world.   All is well.   Now let’s see what we can do to make things a little better.”  Most of the time this works very well for him.  When it doesn’t……well it’s not a perfect world.

ONE COMES IN, ONE GOES OUT

I took my brother Ed to a local physical therapy center the other day.  It’s the same one I went to after getting stents put in my heart a decade ago.  They did a great job on me and, it looks like they got Ed’s sore foot on the mend.  People come and go at these places.  It’s sort of like boot camp.  While I was there, one guy was shaking hands with everyone and thanking one and all for all their help.  He was done with his months of visits and exercise routines and, was ready to get  back to normal life.   He was promising to come back and say hello when he could.  He was all smiles as he left for the world.   Then another guy came up to the desk with a whole bunch of forms in his hands.  He was wearing loafers and, was short of breath.  I figured he’d just had a heart procedure.  There were blood thinner bruises on his arms and the back of his hands.  He went into a side room with a trainer for an indoctrination.  Soon, he’d be doing very short and, very light work outs on the different training machines.  It’ll wear him out at first but, he’ll get better at the routines.     Before he knows it, he’ll be chugging along and, the little old ladies will be hollering at him to quit hogging the machines.  Eventually, he’ll be addicted to going on hikes and stuff.  Right now, on his first day, he was all nervous and a bit apprehensive.  He’ll be fine.  Fifty years ago, whatever was wrong with his heart would have probably killed him.  That rehab is a great place.  An assembly line of good habits and good health.

BUMBLE BEES HAVE ME ON THEIR LIST

I don’t get it.  But, for some reason bumble bees have me in their sights.  It seems that no matter where I go, there’s a bumble bee taking notes.  You remember the bumble bee that hovered just off my left ear when I was fixing our bungalow roof.  I’d climb the ladder to the eaves and, next thing you know, zzzzzzzz!   He’d be there about six inches off my neck, just watching.  The other day, I was driving down Route 57 next to the river.   Guess who was sitting on my drivers side window post bracing against the wind?  That’s right…zzzzzzz!  I had no way to get off the road and no way to stop.  Moving the window up or down would have shifted the wind direction.  Wind going one way would blow the bee out of the van.  Wind going another way would put him down my tee shirt.  Luckily, the bumble bee jumped for the open air and flew home.   I was walking Millie the other day and what does she do.  She piddles right on a big old bumble bee resting on a dandelion leaf.  That kind of made the bee sore and all that saved Millie was that the bee’s wings were too wet to fly.   Of course Millie wanted to sniff the critter.  Good thing she was on a leash.  Then, yesterday, I was up at the Deleware Watergap with my brother Ed.  Some bicyclists stopped in the parking lot to rest.  They were riding from New York City to San Francisco.  We were all talking when a huge bumble bee flew right past my ear and landed on one of the cyclists tee shirt.  It got stuck in the sweaty fiber somehow.  The bee and the cyclist were both freaking out.  That’s not a good thing.  I told the guy to pull his thin sweaty shirt away from his skin as I pulled the lid off of my coffee cup and carefully scooped the bee away from the shirt.  It wasn’t hurt and flew off in the breeze.  Yet another close call.  I don’t know what’s going on.  Maybe I smell like a hive or something.  People say that bumble bees can pack a real wallop and I’m not ready to find out if they’re right.   Maybe I should wear a fly swatter on my hip.  Keeping my fingers crossed.   Front Porch Show tonight at 5:30 pm.  Enjoy the day and don’t tick off the bees.

JERSEY FLORA AND FAUNA

I don’t know if this is true or not but, I was slicing a tomato for my morning tomato sandwich back on Saturday.  I noticed that the tomato had like a low flat cone shaped knob on it’s bottom.  My wife sandy was nearby waiting for me to hurry up. We don’t have that much space on our kitchen counter.  My record collection and Sandy’s antique business and her auction finds take up way too much space in the house.  So, pretty much there’s about one square foot of food prep area in the kitchen and I got to it first.  I pointed out the tomato’s bottom to her saying, “Ain’t this an odd shape.  Look!  All the tomatoes you got me are shaped this way”  Without batting an eyelash, Sandy said, “Yeah, that’s cause they’re Jersey tomatoes.  That’s how you tell they’re from Jersey.”  So, I guess Jersey tomatoes have knobby bottoms.  Somehow, it seemed like that’s how it should be.  Sort of like outies instead of innies.  For all my many years I didn’t know that.     Now, later, I was walking the hound down our lane.  Millie was sniffing and piddling as usual.  It’s one of her favorite things to do.  Being a Basset Hound she takes her time on a walk.  Glaciers move faster.  So, I use the time to notice stuff.  (It’s better than yanking on her leash and screaming)  I was checking out the many varieties of poison ivy that line the lane when, all of a sudden it hit me.  There were holes eaten into many of the poison ivy leaves.  Some of the poison ivy was suffering from a beetle infestation.   It’s hard to believe, but somewhere out there on our lane, and maybe your lane, there’s a beetle that can eat poison ivy.  Now that’s some serious evolution.  I get itchy just thinking about it.  What a stomach that critter must have.  If he landed on you and strolled around a bit, you’d get the rash…right?   Heck, now poison ivy flies.  I’m staying inside.  We’re going to need bug spray with added Calomine Lotion now.

ANGEL VISITS REQUESTED

Hi friends.  I want to do a Pop Pop  show about encounters with Angels.  I’m certain that I’ve met them at times but, my stories might be getting old by now.  So, I’m asking you, my listeners, if you’ve ever been in a situation where an Angel has somehow made his or her presence known to you.  I’d like to know what you saw and heard and, anything else you can tell me about the encounter.  I’ll be very glad to keep your identity hidden unless you specifically say it’s OK to use your name.  Angels, I think, are proof  that the world is some kind of learning process or training ground.  The more we share about what they have said, the better off we’ll all be.  The many ways they have helped us, may show us how to help each other.  Send what you can to my email address or message me on facebook.  This should make for a great show.

SOME NICE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

Here’s a few.  First, I woke up breathing.   That’s always a biggie.   At work today, we we’re all treated to a nice pizza party for good effort and plain old sweat.  (Though in the 33 degree dairy section we don’t sweat that much.)  I ate half a pizza and when I got home Sandy noticed that my stomach was as flat as a board.  Millie the hound about a half hour ago came over to my computer desk and laid her head down on my feet and just sighed and then fell softly asleep.  She’s snoring and drooling on my left foot right now.  I got a nice nap earlier today.  Now, I’m ready to do a Front Porch Show at 6:30 or so.   Hope your day was just as nice.

THREE HAPPY SCENES

Was talking on the phone just a few minutes ago when I heard happy conversations coming from outside and behind our home.  Couldn’t quite tell who or what it was all about.  The noise was happy and maybe moving slowly and heading my way.  I stayed on the line and walked out to the back deck that overlooks the river behind us.  There was my answer, in the form of a few  teenagers floating downstream in tubes and rubber rafts.  They were dressed in bating suits, eating, snacks, splashing each other and bouncing off of rocks.  They had the right idea for today.  That’s happy scene number one.  Second happy scene goes to Millie the Hound.  Last night she discovered that she could sniff out and eat wild berries in the dark.  Walked her last night and she cleaned us out below the knee cap level.  She’s one happy hound with purple teeth.  Third, place goes to me …Sandy got enough fresh tomatoes at the flea market yesterday that I can now have two tomato sandwiches per day for at least a week.  Yessir….life is good.    Somewhere between 7:30 this evening and 8:00 pm I’ll be starting a nice one hour show for VRadio Nashville featuring great love songs.  That’s bonus hit for four Happy Scenes.

DANGER IN THE DARK

Last night old Millie the hound was barking to go out and dragging her rump along the rug.  That dragging thing is a pretty good sign that she’s serious so, I got my tail in gear.  I hurried up and found her leash and out we went.  The rain wasn’t coming down that hard just then so, I didn’t mind that I wasn’t wearing my pajama top.  The porch lights were on so, no need for the flashlight.  I let Millie pick her puppysquat route.  Anywhere is OK with me as long as she doesn’t pick a spot too close to the van.  This time Millie wanted to go down  the berry bush path.  That’s a path we have that runs about two feet wide for about twenty feet past all these blackberry bushes.  It’s always fun to get up early in the morning and snag a handful of berries for breakfast there.  So, were walking down the trail not paying much attention to anything.   In the dark, thanks to the dim porch light, I saw Millie walk under something.  Something that glistened faintly in the dark.  Holy heck!  I stopped just in time.  Standing in the dark I found myself just an inch or two from the biggest spider web I’ve seen in awhile.  It was one of those circular type of webs. It was about two and a half feet wide, about four feet off the ground, and stretched well beyond the edges of the path.  Right in the middle was a big old girl spider.  In spider world, the girls are the biggies.  I think she was a golden garden spider  She was probably thinking that if she could snare me in that web,  she’d be eating like a queen.  I was thinking that one more step, and I’d have this big old spider running  up and down my bare belly.  I tried to pull Millie back but, she was busy doing what she came out to do.  The leash was as tight as it could be so, I just had to stand there.   The spider and I just looked at each other.  Funny, I saw a problem in the making.  The spider saw a great opportunity.  Maybe enough food that she could open a spider café.  Me, I saw a big fat hungry spider crawling down my shorts.  Luckily, Millie was done and, I backed up.  I was going to swat the web.  But then, decided not to.do that.  I figured that the spider deserved a meal if she could catch one and she wasn’t crawling up my pant leg so, what the heck.  I also wanted to see the web in the morning.  In short, cooler heads prevailed.  Got up this morning and went out to the path.  The web was gone.  I guess a bird must have flown through it.  Maybe it snagged the spider.  I grabbed some berries and went inside.  Millie was waiting for me and wanted to go out.  Life goes on.  Front Porch show will be on soon.  6:30 or so.